I wanna be me when I grow up.: June 2012

Over the last few months I have been in a perpetual state of waiting on something. Something that at times felt so right and at other times I also felt wasn't the best thing for me right now. It manifested itself unlike other similar adventures. It was supposed to be straightforward. Not quick - but at least straightforward. It has been anything but straightforward, but the final twist in at least this part of the adventure happened last night.

Now, after several months of waiting, wanting, and wondering, I'm left with the more difficult task for me of letting go. I don't let go easily. I don't end anything easily.

The entire thing has left me at a loss and with a sense of wandering that I've not felt in a while. Is this where I belong? Is this the right place for me? Can I be the best of myself where I am - or is it time to go somewhere else? To do something else? These are never easy questions and while I welcome adventure and opportunity, I'm also fearful and intimidated. I don't let fear and intimidation show - most people see me as only confident and self assured. The fear and intimidation have always been mine alone.

This whole journey is one I've kept relatively private from the blog - out of necessity. However, I've let that "necessity" also be an excuse to not write at all. But not writing has lead to not doing art, not taking photographs, not expressing myself in all the ways that help me to deal with all the things going on around me. That let me get out all the things that are welling up inside right now as I finally put fingers to keyboard again and practice expressing myself.

I was reminded of the power of the words that I type here today when I came across this post from the beautiful Jenny Meyerson. Another family's tragedy both helps me remember to be grateful and to appreciate the simple things in life. It gives perspective that I've been lacking in my own world. It reminds me that if we hold on too tightly to anything we miss the simple opportunities for joy all around us every day.

Welcome back to the One Little Word Blog Hop. This year, I'm working with the word intention and while this word hasn't taken me where I thought I'd go at the beginning of the year - it's still been a pretty amazing year thus far - and May was incredibly busy and full of fulfilled intentions.

I always find this month's One Little Word prompt to be a bit difficult - and while the video and handout are filled with encouragement to not get discouraged - it's a bit hard to not feel that way when you've not met expectations. For me, not blogging more regularly is a huge disappointment. However, I can honestly say there have been a number of days this month where I was so busy living life, that blogging just didn't fit. And when I think of it that way, I'm more okay with it.

I'm happy with the progress I'm making on my Moving without Moving list. I've spent a huge amount of time with friends and family this month. I photographed my first big "event" and as you read this, I'm getting ready to help with photography at the first wedding I've ever done (it may be the only wedding I ever do...but we'll see how it goes). While we were doing some wedding prep earlier in the week, I grabbed this shot in the little town of Cicero, Indiana (where the wedding is being held). There is something about a quiet street seen that almost always makes me go black and white - why is that?

Earlier in the month, I took a little time to be thankful and just appreciate the joy and beauty of life (we're still loving our little patio garden by the way). You can see here that Lindsay is expectantly waiting to go back outside and play ball - something we've spent hours doing this month. We're also enjoying the pond more this year as a result. No fishing or swimming, but lots of baby duck watching. (I took this while playing with my new wide angle lens.)

I've found a great new web site that sends you an email or text message each day at a time you specify. You just reply with what you're thankful for and it keeps a gratitude journal of sorts for you. At the end of each week, you get a gratitude round up from the past week. The site is http://www.grateful160.com/. If you're a fan of things like one sentence journaling (as described in one of my favorite books - The Happiness Project) then you're probably going to really enjoy Grateful 160.

And next month is one of my favorite One Little Word prompts - nothing like getting artistic! As a bit of luck would have it, I got my Sketchbook for the 2013 Sketchbook Project from Art House Coop in the mail today. The topic I chose was a photo log. I'm thinking about something around the theme of growth as I'm fascinated by baby birds and flowers and all the things around us that are growing every day - they are some of my favorite photos to take. I'm also thinking about something about finding your inspiration or your own photographic voice. Any ideas on other topics? What would you like to see in a photo log?

Thanks again for joining in on the Blog Hop. See you next month! Next, you're off to see Nikki.